What is a mother to do?

(this is a long post due to some real life drama but at the end are beautiful pictures of my new home outside... Skip and go to pictures)
Well when it rains it pours... Friday, Feb 15, 2008 I get a call from the EX. Seems that my daughter Psycho Monkey has been skipping school since she returned in January. The school wants to Expel her (withdraw her so she can not attend school in Duval County). My ex told me that the man he spoke to was ... the dean of girls..?!?!?! My first questions was why is a MAN running the dean of girls?

Well Psycho Monkey has been telling me she was having problems with school so I called this Mr Griffen. I was upset with my daughter and wanted to know what we could do to get her on the right track. I mean I may be in Switzerland but I am still her mother and her school is important to me...

Conversation went like this:

Novy: Hello, I am Mrs Deschamps, I am calling from Switzerland about my daughter ____ which attends your school. My ex husband just called me and it seems there is some trouble.
Am I speaking to Mr Griffen?

Mr Griffen: Yes you are

Novy: my ex says you are the ..... Dean of girls?

Mr Griffen: No I am the assistant principle.

Novy: Okay, I see. Well... My ex husband says that She has been skipping school, Is there any other problems we should be dealing with as well? what is happening? Is she having an attitude and behavior problem, Is her teachers having problems with her or is the problem just the skipping school?

Mr Griffen: Ma'am I don't know your daughter I couldn't really tell you.

Novy: Wait, excuse me but... You can not tell me ...

Mr Grifffen: You are the parent you should know.

Novy: I know she told me she is having trouble in class. She doesn't understand the work but... Sir, I am trying to understand how we can get her back on the right track.

Mr Griffen: I am afraid I can not help you.

(looking up on the internet and sees this is the 3rd worse school in Duval...)

Novy: well perhaps the problem is that she has Attention Span Deficit, in her last school her father neglected to let the school know.

Mr. Griffen: Attention Span Deficit doesn't put you in a car straight from of the school bus and have you driven off school campus.

Novy: Yes Sir I am aware that She is responsible for her skipping, I am only trying to find a solution other than her being Expelled. According to my Ex this is the schools' intentions should she lay her head on the desk, not turn in one assignment or miss one day more.

Mr. Griffen: Ma 'am by all rights your daughter should have already be expelled, She has a 1.5 GPA and not only missed the F-cat but missed the make up... She has been give several opportunities. In Sept she was put on contract...

Novy: Contract? Why wasn't anyone informed before now that she was skipping and that it had gotten this bad ?
(remembers conversation with EX... --- He said that this man told him that the school by FL state law has to tests 95% if they don't they get in trouble and They were under that 95% and ___ was one that missed the test... He only wanted to yell about the F cat she missed....) Perhaps it is because you didn't care that is until the state got on you for her missing the F cat so now you want to punish her by expelling her...

Mr. Griffen: I am not taking the blame for your daughter...

Novy: no you just don't care to help her... You don't know why she is skipping if it is because

Mr G: She wants to hang with her friends

Novy: you know this? she told you this? Funny in the beginning of this conversation you said you didn't know my daughter... How the hell does a Vice Principle not know a child he says he tried to help and is now going to expelled? How can you not know a child you have council? answer you didn't, you have done nothing including not informing the parents that she was skipping school not one call was made from the school to let us know she wasn't in school.

Mr G: that is not our responsibility. We are not her parents..

Novy: Actually when we pay taxes so that we can send our kids to public school it is your responsibility. She has told me she is having trouble understanding the work and if her teachers have the same attitude as you no one she skipping and giving up.. I am a parent calling to find out how I can get her in gear and find part of the problem is the damn school. I mean what kind of school principle are you that you can not tell me where the problems lie... all you know is that she missed the F cat 2 times and the state is breathing down your neck. You dont know if she is having problems learning, if it is attitude or if there is family problems at home...

Mr G: Your daughter sat right here in front of me and I saw no family problems. She sat here with her parents with no regard remaining quiet not saying a word. As always...

Novy: Parents? PARENTS? as in Plural?

Mr G: her father and her mother...

Novy: You idiot, You are talking with her mother and she only has one! IF you are referring to my ex's girlfriend she has no legal attachment to my daughter. Now her previous school would not release her records to my husband Which is _____'s legal step father because its the law unless both my ex and I sign a paper saying it is okay. I NEVER SIGNED A PAPER SAYING YOU COULD DISCUSS MY DAUGHTER'S SCHOOL WITH THIS WOMAN!

Mr G: we were told she was her mother...

Novy: I can see why this is the 3rd worse school in Duval County and perhaps since I can't get you to care or do your job I should call the superintendent...

Mr G: you do what you need to do... I am not responsible for your daughter and will not take the blame..

Novy: Actually you are responsible for her education and part of the problem here. When I call and I get I don't know you daughter and that she has been disciplined for skipping with out us being notified until now, then hell yes you are partially to blame... Trust me ____ will own up to her part but so will you! When a child who is having difficulty isnt getting help from the school yes sooner or later they give up...

Mr G: Your daughter is manipulating you. Your in Switzerland so she can manipulate you...

Novy: Okay I can see we are not going to get anywhere.. Good day thanks for your time...

Well... After the conversation I called the Superintendent's office and spoke to a person who said the school was at fault and they would look into it and we would together do what we could to get her back on track... I mean I have Dyslexia and because I was a shamed and embarrassed I got silent to ... but teachers helped me ...
I went and looked at her report card... A lot didn't make since
So I emailed the ex about it and the ex's GF emailed back... here it is..

My email:

__Ex husband's name__,

I called the school and Mr Griffen. If he was my vice principle (and he is the vice principle NOT the dean of girls) I would skip school too.

The man doesnt care! I kept asking what we could do to help ___ and the man is unbelievable.

Why the hell did he wait 3 months to tell you she was skipping and the answer is because the F cat otherwise NOTHING would have been done to let you know.

Well now they got more than just the F cat to worry about!!!! because after talking to him I called the Superintendent's office and spoke to a person who agreed that school is not doing everything to help ___ (Not that ___ doesn't have some things to own up to just why should she care if they don't)

Also if she is skipping why did she make an A in Drama? According to this she only missed 3 days... Only 3 unexcused absences for this quarter and 1 day last quarter so this doesnt add up!!!!

They want to expell her for skipping 4 days? this year????

Or am I reading this wrong?

because if she only missed 4 days and they want to expell her then OH HELL NO!!!

I looked online and they listed the schools with 10 being the best and this school was 3 as in next to the bottom of the barrrel!!!!

Like I told the Superintendent I am not totally blaming the school ___ has to own up to her part but there is more to this than just her...

I am not giving up on her and I don't think you should either because really the school is also a problem. I just spoke with them and the man first tells me "I don't know your daughter to tell you what the problem is"

and then tells me we tried everything cousiling then a contract in Sept and she just sits not saying a word with her arms folded.

So the school didn't try!!!!

___ isnt trying why should she when she feels no one else cares

She has a 1.5 gpa and the Superintendent said there is programs ___ can get into to help her grades (provided by the schools systems) but no one has tried these

No one is trying anything except that she is a 'lost cause', well our daughter isnt a lost cause!!!

She is smart. __ has Attention Span Defitcit (sp?) remember she was on rentolin for it but then they took her off

If she was having problems focusing her attention but the school just saw her distracting the others

well I think its excallated to the fact she doesnt care now.

How can we get her to care if the teachers don't care

Well this woman in the Superintendents office told me she will find out what we can do to get __ on the right track!

I will let you know what they say

It may be a few days.

Dawn

Ex's GF reply:

The attendance you were just referring to is what she did the first half of the school year...all the skipping started after she went back to school after the Christmas break. I can go back to the school and get her current attendance report for you if you want it. We just got on to her the 31st of Jan because a friend saw her getting out of the car and she still made no attempt to go to school even though we watch her get on the bus or take her to school...I should not have to hold her hand and escort her to class she is 17 not 7. But if you would like I could arrange to tagalong with her on my days off from work?? "You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink the water." There is a program at the school she is attending that 'a friend of the family' did but she cant get in it because she will not maintain a 2.0 gpa and did not take the FCAT she just missed it...and has yet to earn 11 credits to get in it.. All she had to do is go to school and make a 3.0 gpa and we were going to fix my Celica that we got back from -Polar, my son-- and give it to her.. She does not make much effort to help herself and does everything we tell her not to do. She has body piercing, tattoos and cuts herself because she wants to do it. She breaks into our room that we had locked. None of the other kids have ever broke into our room and we have never had to lock our door.

My reply--

The email was for -my ex's name-- not for you, firstly. When I called the school I was told by Mr Griffen that both her parents were in the meeting and that they were told you were her mother and not told of me in anyway, so right now I am already very upset.
As for "You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink the water." no you can't make one drink but it doesnt mean you give up. You find out why the horse isnt drinking and then you fix it so it can drink, if the horse's desire and will to drink has been broken because she hasn't been unable to swallow the water, you try to encourage to try and you keep on. You find the problem and you fix it!

___'s attitude is a result of you, me, -my ex's name--, the school and many things that has not gone right in ___'s life as well as ___'s fault too.

The tatoos and piercing is a teen thing influenced by many musicians and actors etc.. having them. Most teens go through that, I am sure it will past.



As for breaking into your room, Yeah she was using the computer to email me. I didn't know she had broken into your room to do it until -my ex's name-- told me she broken in your room and it was right at the time she was emailing me. I asked her and she admitted it to me . We had a long talk about it.

I do want the attendance records but I don't want you to ... how did you put it "---to tagalong with her on my days off from work?? " because to be quite frank I do believe you are one of the problems here. Of course a horse won't drink when being taken by someone who doesnt like them, doesn't want to help them and/or tells them they are bad and a failure all the time.

I would say, whether you said it or not doesn't matter because it is how she feels but since you have said it to me before in the past ... I am sure you are saying it to her.

Now for the The cutting, it is because she is unhappy.
Cutting on oneself is also a sign of something psycological, in this case I believe she thinks if she worries -my ex's name--enough he will show her he loves her more than you... because both kids feel he would place you over them. It doesnt matter if it is true or not, what matters is that this is how she feels and it isnt what she should be doing but instead of helping her, you add to the problem or do you think calling her a slute all those times, constanly accusing her of sending --ex's GF's son's name-- to jail (which was his own fault NOT ___'S) - like telling her well --ex's GF's son's name-- was in jail for his 17th birthday when she asked who get's grounded for their 17th birthday, forcing her to sleep on the couch and give -- her great grandmother's name-- her bed instead of the empty bedroom because though she doesn't live there the empty room is your duaghter's room and locked, ___ is 17 living in a home that is her father's and she has less priority over your kids, Does this help her at all psycologically?

but of course you offered a car, offering her a Car that you took from her brother and after so many broken promises to her ... well, you really think it will encourage her?

Now when I called Mr Hale about __'s grades and all (I think it was last school period) I was told he couldn't discuss her grades or test scores over the phone due to a Florida law. He couldn't fax them in 'care of' ---my husband's name--, __'s LEGAL step-father for me to get them because unless both --my ex's name-- and I sign permission they can not give or discuss or provide ___'s school progress with any one else...

So how is it that you, who has no LEGAL attachment to ___ what so ever were able to sit in a meeting about her progress?

oh that is right you told the school you were her mother, well you are not and I am dealing with this now through the Superintendents office, so back off, because I didn't sign a permission slip!

I know ___ isn't an angel but I also know there are problems that aren't being fixed.


Carola-Dawn Deschamps

She was skipping every Thursday from 3rd period, on... ever since she returned from Christmas break and no one called the parents about this...
So after this ordeal and preparing to go to bat for my second child, I get a call from the ex...

Psycho monkey never came home from school... 3rd period she ran away...
So I have been going through hell ... A whole Ocean away and my baby is on the streets...

During which we found out she isnt the only one the school has not informed was skipping.
Nor was she the only run-away...

The Police picked her up Tuesday night (weds morn for me). I haven't spoken to her yet, I suppose to talk to her when the ex got home (he has the only phone) last night at midnight but after not sleeping for so many days now knowing she was home safe I fell a sleep on the couch and Fire didn't know I was suppose to call....

I will try again tonight... but here is the problem Psycho Monkey has told my ex she will not return to school so what do we do? we are still pushing that the Superintendent's office look into the school and the Vice Principle.

What is best for her is to come to stay with me, which is what may happen...


What else is going on in my world? Well Fire and I took Wulfgar exploring around my neighborhood into the woods and the Gully... We did this on Sunday to try and give me a break before I ended up having an emotional break down...

Fire said I needed some fresh air..

So it was cold and the gully and babbling brook was frozen up some... We went as far as we could but couldn't reach the waterfall at the bottom is some pictures...

Tues the handyman came and out up all my stuff that we couldn't get up because of the hard walls... He was super nice, a great guy...

Not sure when the new furniture will come , but it has been order... Once it arrives I will place more photos up...

Also we have some credit card problem.. For some reason our credit card is being denied...
Fire has to call about that


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This is the Gully in the woods next to my apartment